🧠 From Storey…
_{Hey guys. I’m the newbie. If you hate this story, ChatGPT wrote it, not me.}

Story time. I’m visiting my in-laws this week, and this morning I decide to eat cantaloupe for breakfast. I’m roughly 4 pieces in and I realize I’m eating cantaloupe that was hand chopped. WTF?! This generation is different. Never in my life have I gone to the grocery sore and even spent a second of thought deciding between a whole cantaloupe to take home and chop up myself or chopped cantaloupe in a non-recycled, clear plastic box.

When did this transition happen? When did we stop chopping up our own cantaloupes? When did pre-chopped fruit enter into the world?

I firmly believe that the way someone decides to purchase their cantaloupe says a lot about them. If you are over the age of 50, go ahead and spend 2 hours chopping your fruit and making a mess. You have nowhere to be, not a care in the world, and the proper cutlery to do so.

However, if you are 49 and below, and you are chopping up your own cantaloupe, where did you fail in life? What happened to you? Why have you given up on life?

Friendsgiving is right around the corner, friends. Bring this question to the table. If someone says they buy a whole cantaloupe, remove them from any future communication.

Similar to chopping up a whole cantaloupe, the Colorado Buffs chopped up the entire #1 ranked LSU team on Monday night and we’re gonna talk about!

#ChoppedCanteloupeCommunity

TODAY’S STORY

💥Team Spotlight: Colorado Bluffs

Initial thoughts after watching Colorado lose to LSU

• Where the heck is Deion Sanders’ daughter, Shelomi Sanders?!

• Colorado’s got a big 3 and their names are Jaylyn Sherrod, Frida Formann, and Aaronette Vonleh. They are a nightmare for their opponents and a threat at every spot on the court.

• They’ve already got it figured out. It will be interesting to see which opponent exposes one of their gaps.

• Head Coach Ali-Marie "JR" Payne showed everyone on the big stage why she got a 5-year contract extension.

• Their post play is great. Their high-low game is a dime every time. And on defense, good luck people.

• Colorado’s baseline defense is phenomenal. If you’re a post, they’re all over you. If you’re a guard, don’t even think about going baseline, it’s over. Textbook transition defense.

Coaching Staff (some)

Head Coach JR Payne: CONTRACT EXTENSION ALERT! JR Payne’s tenure at CU is a perfect example of a coach who has successfully cultivated a tightly-knit team. She’s not only earned the respect of her players (brought back 88% of starters) but has also accomplished some remarkable feats for CU. This includes leading the team to the Sweet 16 for the first time in two decades and establishing one of the most impressive win records in the schools history. Her husband is also the Assistant Head Coach. We’ve seen this before and it usually doesn’t end well.

Asst. Head Coach Toriano Towns: AKA: “Coach Payne’s Husband,” Towns is a defensive mastermind. He’s the driving force behind the CU team’s evolution into a formidable force on both ends of the court. His schemes are flawless and custom tailored to his players, resulting in impressive wins. Towns has been an Assistant coach since 2001 and I strongly believe he’s next up to be a Head Coach somewhere soon. If his wife allows.

Asst. Coach Alex Earl: First and foremost, I need to let you know that this is not the influencer Alex Earl. This Earl is responsible for the performance of the players we are seeing dominate on the court today. Earl was previously the Director of Player Development, a position that can be overlooked. But, Earl played a crucial role in shaping the players off the court in ways that impact the team’s performance during games. The fruits of her efforts are clear as day when you look at the player cohesion we witness.

Asst. Athletic Trainer Chris Miller: If you were wondering how CU went beast mode against LSU, look no further than Chris Miller. Give this man a raise!

Creative Content Manager Will Insull: You have now probably come across Will Insull’s content at least 57 times in the past 48 hours. After the win against LSU, this man has been pedal to the medal. Next time you see a CU post, throw our guy Will a like.

Players (some)

#00: Jaylyn Sherrod: The main contributor to Colorado’s upset win. she is a powerful point guard, she is the quarterback of this team that coach’s wish they had in their point guards. FUN FACT: Colorado was her only Power 5 offer, so when it came to her senior year decision with an additional year of eligibility, some thought she would follow the train and transfer somewhere else. Nope! This player has loyalty. Colorado chose her and at a time that may prove to be one of Colorado’s best seasons and she chose them right back.

#2: Tameiya Sadler: She is a substantive guard that compliments Sherrod. She’s a defensive nightmare for all guards. When she was out, LSU picked up momentum. What a compliment.

#3: Frida Formann: She scored a career-high in points and 3 pointers. 7-3 pointers against LSU! And to top it off, it’s not just her 3’s that help the team. She is going face to face against the posts, getting blocks and making steps. After this performance, I can’t wait to see how her season continues.

#11: Quay Miller: She’s your modern day Big. She plays down low and makes an impact, but if you give her space up top at the 3-point line, she’s gonna shoot it and probably make it. When she’s not throwing it up, she’s getting a defensive stop. She was one of the most impactful contributions to the game last night.

#21: Aaronette Vonleh: Her name may have been called the most number of times during the game. Points aside, she was the MVP. I don’t think an individual player has been so dominant against a team than Vonleh. She is an impact player, and she’s going to be one of the key variables in Colorado’s future wins.

#45: Charlotte Whittaker: The final piece of the puzzle. Alongside of Vonleh, Whittaker puts a stop to all hopes of running an offensive play including your posts. She shuts it down. No mercy. If she wasn’t white I would call her The Great Wall of China.

Final Thoughts

Colorado’s last win against a top ranked team was on January 17, 2021 against Stanford. With this offensive win over top ranked LSU, Colorado has officially put people on notice. They have officially gone from being The Hunter to being The Hunted. As Hailey Van Lith put it just minutes before LSU’s defeat against Colorado, “Anyone can get the smoke”.

Colorado proved that they have Guards that can get downhill, Bigs that can finish, and perimeter shooting. That’s the recipe for success on offense because no matter what the defense gives you, you’ll have answers. After you play Colorado, they’re gonna give you a laundry list of items to clean up.

Overall team score for Colorado: 72.5

GAMES
💥Spotlight Games This Week

#11 Tennessee v #18 Florida State

• 4 PM EST ESPN2

• Thursday 11/9

• Tennessee’s coaches have been active on TikTok and Florida State’s coach had a cancer mass removed last week.

#3 Iowa v #8 Virginia Tech

• 6 PM EST ESPN2

• Thursday 11/9

• 2 Final Four contenders! Let’s see how these programs look after transfers and graduating seniors.

#6 South Carolina v #14 Maryland

• 1 PM EST ABC

• Thursday 11/9

• REMATCH of the Elite 8. Let’s see if Maryland has a response for South Carolina’s guards. Unlike Notre Dame.

#12 Ole Miss v Oklahoma

• 7 PM EST SEC Network

• Thursday 11/9

• A lot of people were disappointed in Ole Miss's home opener. Playing against an unranked, yet, historically performing program should be an entertaining watch.

#2 UConn v NC State

• 3 PM EST ABC

• Sunday 11/12

• If someone’s going to give UConn a sizable test pre-season, it’s NC State.

#9 Indiana v #15 Stanford

• 5 PM EST ESPN

• Sunday 11/12

• A sizable matchup where all eyes will be on Stanford and Cameron Brink. With the loss of a starting guard and a starting post, let’s see how Stanford performs on their home court.

#5 Utah v #19 Baylor

• 7:30 PM EST ESPN+

• Tuesday 11/14

• Utah is a sleeping giant and Baylor has had a chip on their shoulder for 2 years now. This will be a scrappy game.

NEWS

👂️ This Week’s Locker Room Drama

What’s been going on in the world of women’s college basketball recently? We’ve got you covered.

• Freshman JuJu Watkins put on a CLINIC during her opening debut, upsetting Ohio State (Trojans Wire)

• Kim Mulkey haters are going rampant on Twitter (Twitter)

• Florida State Head Coach Brooke Wyckoff gives an F-U to cancer (ESPN)

• Michigan extends Head Coach Kim Barnes Arico’s contract through 2028 (Detroit Free Press)

• After going through a public Twitter fight with her former Head Coach at Kentucky, Dre’una Edwards gets her first 20 piece in a Baylor uniform (AP News)

MEDIA

🤳 Video of The Week

South Carolina’s Freshman, Milaysia Fulwiley, takes it coast-to-coast for the best looking layup we have seen in any league